Michael Bay diarrhea
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
