i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize