the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
