I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
