my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
