Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
