Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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