Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
The beer is more important than you right now.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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