some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
