we have pet lesbian snakes
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
