my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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