I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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