I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Everyone says I win the strip club
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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