My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
