No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
