Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
