i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
