Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
