I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You ruined the universe
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
