He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
