I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
