My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
