Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I need to align my fucking chakras
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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