in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize
