one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Randomize
