I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
