If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
