3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
