saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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