LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
