Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
