We won't sleep together?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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