Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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