Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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