you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
