just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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