sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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