Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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