I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
