I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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