dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
