this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
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