So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
