WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
