i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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