The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
