I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I believe in your delicious
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
