Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
