Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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