if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
