Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
