Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
