Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize