I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
