just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
