Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
