Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Boobs are out for the taking
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
