She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It's blow job season.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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