you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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