dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize