We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
