Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
