You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
