Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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