Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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