I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
