I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
