SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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