Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
