cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Randomize
