Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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