We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
