lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
