i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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