so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
