When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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