I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He kissed a someone with a penis
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize